The Waring's Journey: Waiting

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Waiting

Anyone reading our story might think... She has three kids so what's she complaining for...right? Well, I do have three wonderful children but, I also have this deep rooted desire that the Lord has placed in my heart that still isn't fulfilled. My husband and I have been waiting for over 6 years now to do an embryo adoption.

I was told by my doctor that although, my uterus is now in a good place to carry a pregnancy and do an embryo adoption, it will not stay that way. In time my uterus will produce cancer. I'm currently taking provera to hold off cycles and monitoring by sonograms as we wait. Once we’ve birthed, I have agreed to have a full hysterectomy. My Dr…. and very loving Mother, would like to see this happen and not put it off any longer than necessary. Knowing our deep desire to finish our family by embryo adoption, the advice I was given was to share my story with everyone who would listen and see what God will do.

So here I am…

I know that this is something that God has spoken to my heart that we will do. I just often have a hard time understanding why we have to wait under such circumstances to do it. Most days I feel like I eat, sleep, and live within a ticking time clock of this desire. I guess I have always had this with infertility. But, these days it seems to scream louder than usual.
I’m constantly seeking the Lord and His peace and have felt His hand of comfort and reassurance that He will finish what He has started within my life. I just have to continue to remind myself that I can’t and was never meant, to hold all of the emotions that come along with waiting, bottled up inside. I’m just not that strong!

So today…again, I find myself at the feet of Jesus, asking Him to help me push through this day and keep my focus upon the joys of being a mother and having so many blessings in my life. It’s truly a battle at times to keep a proper perspective when your heart longs for something so strong. Periodically, I have to do focus checks. Kind of like an attitude check only it’s more of where and what is my heart and eyes fixed upon? Is it upon what I don’t have or how is this ever going to work out? Or, is it upon believing that He is able to do all things in His time… And the biggest thing is trusting that timing. It’s all about laying my heart, my longing, and my desire before Him and leaving it there.

I have a life verse that speaks volumes to my aching heart. It's…

1 Peter 5:10
“ But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

I love this verse because, I feel the last 20 years of waiting and struggling with a desire for children has changed, established and strengthened me.

Oh, but I long... I so long, to have Him finish the work of putting our family together and finally, once and for all, settling me.

I seem to pray more and more these day...Lord Jesus, please come quickly and finish that work You've begun in me and forever quiet that desire You've placed in my heart and settle me.
t.

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Our Hope To Adopt Embryos

Hi, my name is Tracy and here is our story,

My husband, Richard, and I have been happily married for 21 years. Early on in our marriage, we were diagnosed with complete male factor infertility. We have been blessed with three beautiful children through separate open adoptions. Bailey, now 17, was born during the time of our lives when my husband and I were grieving the loss of our only pregnancy from donor insemination. She was born when our baby would have been. Her birth was like a healing salve to our hurting hearts. Once we discovered that the Lord could fill our aching arms with such delight through adoption, we began to pray for the Lord to bring us another child.

We hoped and prayed for 6 years when Addison was born. She is now 11. In the time of waiting until the Lord brought our second child into our lives, He did an amazing work upon our heart towards opening our relationship up with Bailey's birthmother. We started out slow and before we knew it, she was a full active part of our family. Today, she is my best friend and we share many of our life experiences together. When Addison came into our lives, her birthparents were already friends that we had known for some time and loved dearly. Keeping the doors of our relationship open throughout her adoption was easy and our hearts today love them with even a greater love than ever before.

Levi is 3 and we just had his birthday party with many friends, our family and his birthmother and her family also. Reiko, his birthmother feels like a daughter to us and her presence in our family is wonderful. She has recently birthed another son named Heidern (pronounced Heiden), that we consider our grandson even though he is Levi's 1/2 brother.

We love all of our birth families very much and have contact with them on a regular basis. We have five birth families for our three children. Keeping everyone up to date with all that goes on in our family is much easier done with updates on our family blog.

For me, the road to motherhood for the past 21 years seemed only possible through domestic adoption. Now that the Lord has opened my eyes to embryo adoption, the longing to birth is again revived and stirred within me. The thought that there might be a way to hold a child of mine without traveling through the pain of another person, is something I look forward to. I love my children so dearly but I also know that their birth parents felt deep sorrow during my greatest time of joy (their birth). That realization is so hard on my heart because of the love I hold for them.

As a profession, I am a labor doula. I watch families birth without sorrow and it is so different than what I've witnessed with the births of my children. I pray that the Lord will allow me to experience this side of motherhood and to have joy without sorrow as our sweet new baby/babies come into our lives. We are praying that the gift of someone's embryos would be this for us.

We are so excited to meet and get to know the family of the embryos and make them a part of our family. We promise to love and cherish the children that come from them and the door to our hearts and home will always be open for you to get to know the children born. Honestly, there is nothing more precious to us than the lives of our children and the hope of the children to come.

We will continue to pray for this dream to come true and place our hope and trust upon the Lord to continue to build our family. We know that in His perfect timing He will bring us our precious little embryos, and bond us to (hopefully) you , a beautiful genetic family.

I have a life verse that has encouraged me throughout our journey.

1 Peter 5:10

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

Waiting for the joy set before us,

Richard and Tracy Waring.