Thursday, April 29, 2010

No, No, No...No...Okay, just one! LOL

It's spring and look what Levi made me do.  LOL  
We went to the store and came home with 10 very sweet, little chicks. 

I tried to be strong and I told Levi No!! several times, until his big eyes wore me down. 

As we were leaving the store I said..."Levi, your daddy's going to have a cow!"   

Oh well, What's a mother to do?
Too Funny!  

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Busy, Busy Day Today :)

This morning started early with a family breakfast.  This was Bailey's Jr. Prom so she had big plans of being gone for most of the day and all night long.  I wanted to sneak in some family time before she was off and running. 

Sorry about the glare on my glasses...uuugghh!

Not too bad of a snap-shot of the 5 of us.

After breakfast we went shopping for summer clothes and picked up a few bags of mulch from the good ol' Walmart garden center.
This, I'm embarrassed to say is our front VERY neglected flower bed.  We've let it go wild ever since last summer and it looked a mess. 
How do you like them- there dandelions? LOL
Poor Addison and her friend Julie got suckered into pulling weeds.  I was amazed that they seemed to be having fun doing it.  Usually around our house pulling weeds means you are in trouble.  I helped too and together we managed to make some progress.

Here are the newly potted flowers and mulch.  Nothing grows in this part of the yard ...NEVER HAS THE ENTIRE 17 YEARS WE'VE LIVED HERE...So, if you want anything to grow basically, it has to be in pots.
I still need a fresh coat of white paint on the patio set but that's for another day. 

We love sitting out here when the kids play basketball late at night.  It's great!

After fixing the front yard, Bailey's cousin, Jojo, helped Bailey dress for her prom. 
This is Bailey and her (friend date) Aaron.  He's such a sweet guy and they looked great all decked out.
They went out to dinner at a place called "715" (yeah, that's the name of the place.  The food is not that great but the whole place is lit by candle light and it's quite an experience to eat there. ) Then, they walked the down town in Lawrene and finally went to the prom. 
This is my favorite picture.  The two of them have so much fun together.

We had to take some funny pics too.  Poor Aaron!!
She was brushing off his pants...not spanking him. lol

I had to tease her that she looked like she was proposing to him in this shot.  hahaha

Aaron actually opened the door for Bailey but we thought it would be great to take a picture of her doing it for him instead.  LOL

This was them being announced and going into the prom.

I'm sure they are going to have a wonderful time.  We just couldn't be more proud of our oldest, baby girl!

Bailey... You look BEAUTIFUL!

Friday, April 16, 2010

My Heart Today

Today was 50’s day at school and Addison looked so cute all dressed up, I had to snap a few pictures.

With things being a bit depressing here at home this morning I wanted to get out and just enjoy the nice weather. Levi and I decided to meet Richard for lunch and spend a bit of time together. When I was driving home I couldn’t help but think of the struggles we are having and feel the frustration that embryo adoption waiting has been for us.
Then, wouldn't you know it, I passed the cemetery.  It struck my heart so hard that I had to pull over and think about it for a moment.   I even snapped a picture of it. 

Everyone dies... We all are only here for such a short time...  I want my life here on this earth to have substance.  I want it to mean more than just the simple life of living for myself.  I want the Lord to use me anyway that He sees fit.  So He's handed me the gift of infertility, disappointment, and years of sorrowful waiting as He builds our family.  I've struggled, whined, pleaded for Him to complete us but, it's His desire for us to continue to wait. 
                                   (My lilacs in full bloom today)
I know that His thoughts are higher than mine and I know that His love for me is greater than I could ever imagine, so I will continue to trust Him.  He has formed me in my mother's womb and He knows me even better than I know myself.  From the moment I took my first breath of life to the moment I lay this life down and take my last breath hear on this earth... I will continue to trust Him.
                 (Found this figurine in a gift shop and had to have it.)
My heart will hurt, my tears will fall and my spirit will fail, but in all things... I will continue to trust You, Jesus.                                             
                 God, You are so good to me.   

Frustrating Week

I’m having one of those weeks where you just want to pull the covers over your head and ask the Lord to start over. Yesterday I spend hours on the phone trying to locate Richards and my infertility documents that show our test results for my surgeries, exams, and his sperm analysis and urology diagnosis. I was repeatedly told that our records are too old and was destroyed. I guess when you struggle with infertility early in your marriage and then go the road of adoption, only to return again to the hope of a pregnancy, this is to be expected. Apparently, when you are not a patient for over 10 years, your records are destroyed. We’ve been at this waiting business to have a baby for 21 years…So now I guess, it’s a clean slate and we have to re-do all of the test and have no proof of the past. I’m beating myself up for not keeping a file of these documents and being more organized.

Then, for the adoption grant we are applying for, I need a letter from my doctor that states I can have a baby (our infertility is because of my husband’s 0 sperm). I received a phone call from my doctor; she will only write the letter if I pay to have another costly and painful biopsy and sonogram. I have been cleared from these biopsies already and have been told that they are unnecessary by other doctors because the last several sonograms and biopsies have looked so good. I do have the sonograms every six months and the last one looked great…So why should I have to pay for an additional one, and the pain of the biopsy, just to have a letter written?

What if applying for this grant is for nothing, and what if we never hear from a couple regarding embryos. The few we have heard from have not seemed hopeful for any length of time. I just hate the idea of putting myself through this painful experience and paying all of the new doctor visits and costly test and exams without any real assurance that we are even going to get to do an embryo adoption soon. If not, and it’s still going to be more waiting that the Lord has for us, then all of these tests would have to be done again to satisfy everyone with current results. I just wish I had something solid to plant my hope and desires upon that would make this all worth it.

So today, I’m praying for the Lord to show me His will. I have to remind myself that the Lord sometimes shuts a door so that I will turn and follow His will in another direction. I’m also praying that the slim possibility of our infertility clinic used 20 years ago might have some of the lost documents. I called them last week and signed to have my records sent to me. I have not heard anything so am hopeful that they indeed do still have records to send.

Jesus, please show me Your will and straighten my heart if I am to have this biopsy. Please bring us our embryo/’s and finish this journey of waiting and hoping to see the fulfillment of the promises You’ve spoken to our hearts. We love You Lord Jesus and if it’s Your will that we continue to wait and go through these difficulties….Please help us to endure them and not despair…Mold us into useful tools and use our lives, marriage, journey of infertility, adoptions and waiting, all for Your glory.