Here we go…
What denomination of Christian are you?
How many frozen embryos would you want to be responsible for?
If we felt the match was God, I would gladly accept any and all embryos you had to offer. But, I would also want to know that you felt your family was finished. I wonder how your heart would handle me birthing your genetic children if you still had a desire for them…Even if that desire was for years down the road.
One thing about our family is that we feel God has called us to be an example for others to follow. That is why we are so open with our story, longings, and adoptions. We feel so strongly about this that God has even given us a ministry called Living Stones. Our ministry has a dream of putting together a Life Center that would be a walk through exhibit that would encourage life, healing from abortion, and adoption (International, domestic, foster, and embryo).
If I were to give you my embryos, would you be able to make the same pledge to me and to God that you will not have a single one
If you were to get pregnant, would you be willing to work with me to find another adoptive family for any embryos you did not want to
Yes, Yes, Yes!!! My heart sings with this thought! I know that the reason God is walking us down this road is because one day, our ministry will be helping/ encouraging others to not be afraid to adopt in this fashion. I love the idea of allowing these little ones life and not to remain frozen for years and years without that opportunity. But, I’d have to say that I’d want to pick a family that Loves the Lord and will want to have an open adoption relationship with both of our families. It’s important to me that all of the children and families stay close and really know each other.
With your other children's adoptions, please explain your level of openness with the birth mothers and how you feel about open adoption. How have you honored your promises to your
Then one day, the Lord spoke to my heart. He reminded me that I could trust Him with my babies and building our family. He then reminded me that I could also trust Him with the relationships I had with their birth parents and that I needed to lose the fear and allow Him to work. I knew He was right. Although, I was still very unsure that I wasn’t making the biggest mistake of my life, I drove to Michelle’s house and invited her and her daughter that was a year younger than Bailey, to our house for the afternoon.
So down came the wall of fear and from that day forward, the Lord bonded our relationship tightly. You asked about our level of openness, well let me tell you, it couldn’t be any more open than it is. She and Kathryn sit next to our family each Sunday at church and each Thur. for Bible study. We eat meals together, they come play games at our house, watch movies, we do each other’s dishes, yard work, attend each other’s kid’s school functions, sports, shopping…you name it, we’ve done it. Our families interact so much that it’s not a thought out thing. We just do it.
The thing that makes our relationship work is that there is a mutual respect for our family. I don’t fear that she is trying to be Bailey’s parent or compete for her affection and because of that, I’ve moved her in so close to us, she naturally gets what her heart desires…to really know us and Bailey. The other thing that makes our relationship work is that her focus in not just on Bailey. She loves all of my children. All of my kid’s birth parents feel this way. The focus is never just upon the child they birthed, but all of our children. When they buy presents, or something, they buy all of the kids the same or equal value. They recognize each of the children for who they are and the kids know it too.
Addison’s birth parents are just the same. They live farther from us so most of our contact is through the email, phone, or if they happen to be driving our way and can stop to see us…OH and we get together for Christmas. (Usually, we celebrate our Christmas together in November because both of our families are just so busy during Dec.) Julie is also my party planner. Shes so good at making our kid's birthday parties fun. We just love them so much!
Bailey’s birth father and his family just met us for the first time this year but, you wouldn’t know it if we didn’t tell you. Our families have bonded so quickly that we’ve made up for lost time. They have all of the toys so we go boating with them, the girls go 4-wheeling (they still have not gotten me on them yet LOL). Our families have a blast together and we seem to miss them the more we see them. LOL Their precious family locked into our hearts and lives and we will never let them go.
Levi’s situation is a bit different but we are still working on it and hope that one day soon, we will have the kind of relationships that we have with the other birth families. We’re still working on it though… I have a hard time accepting closed adoption I guess. LOL
How would your family and our family recognize who we are to the children born through embryo adoption?
How I put it to my birth families, is that God put our family together from completely different genetics, and so in our family, we don’t place an emphasis upon the genetics, but more upon the family unit itself. Our family is very tight and our children are very bonded as siblings. It would not feel good to them or our family to have an outside family (birth family) dividing that closeness by placing special emphasis upon their birth child and the fact that they are genetically theirs. So, we’ve ( Our family and our birth families) all trained our children to not focus there, but rather to know each other and love each other for the families that God has placed them in.
With that clear, we just live our lives with our families very close and are open with the truth of each of their birth stories if the need to share comes up.
Titles in our family are important to keep clear. Just as I won’t share my title as Mom... our children only recognize the kids within our family as siblings and our personal extended family as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. My children call their birth parents by their first names and the same for the rest of their birth parents families.
Yes, if both of our families feel that the match is right, we would be open to receiving your one embryo. We are also open to the idea that if God brings to our attention two families who only have one or two to offer, we’d be open to doing what is called a mixed batch. (Sorry that sounds so odd but, that is what it’s called.) The chances of achieving a pregnancy is better to implant more than one embryo. We would consider doing a mixed batch of no more than three embryos. If a pregnancy was achieved, we would do a paternity test (if needed) after the baby or babies were born to know the genetic families of the child(ren). This paternity test is done by a swab of saliva in the child’s mouth as well as the genetic families and is painless.
What if we only have one embryo to offer your family, would you be willing to take it?
Are you an honest person in your dealings with your fellow brothers and sisters here on earth?
I hope this has answered many of the questions a donor family might have regarding our desire to do an open embryo adoption. If you have more questions feel free to email me and we can talk more.