The Waring's Journey: My Heart Today

Friday, April 16, 2010

My Heart Today

Today was 50’s day at school and Addison looked so cute all dressed up, I had to snap a few pictures.

With things being a bit depressing here at home this morning I wanted to get out and just enjoy the nice weather. Levi and I decided to meet Richard for lunch and spend a bit of time together. When I was driving home I couldn’t help but think of the struggles we are having and feel the frustration that embryo adoption waiting has been for us.

Then, wouldn't you know it, I passed the cemetery. It struck my heart so hard that I had to pull over and think about it for a moment. I even snapped a picture of it.

Everyone dies... We all are only here for such a short time... I want my life here on this earth to have substance. I want it to mean more than just the simple life of living for myself. I want the Lord to use me anyway that He sees fit. So He's handed me the gift of infertility, disappointment, and years of sorrowful waiting as He builds our family. I've struggled, whined, pleaded for Him to complete us but, it's His desire for us to continue to wait.
(My lilacs in full bloom today)

I know that His thoughts are higher than mine and I know that His love for me is greater than I could ever imagine, so I will continue to trust Him. He has formed me in my mother's womb and He knows me even better than I know myself. From the moment I took my first breath of life to the moment I lay this life down and take my last breath hear on this earth... I will continue to trust Him.
(Found this figurine in a gift shop and had to have it.)

My heart will hurt, my tears will fall and my spirit will fail, but in all things... I will continue to trust You, Jesus.

                God, You are so good to me.

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Our Hope To Adopt Embryos

Hi, my name is Tracy and here is our story,

My husband, Richard, and I have been happily married for 21 years. Early on in our marriage, we were diagnosed with complete male factor infertility. We have been blessed with three beautiful children through separate open adoptions. Bailey, now 17, was born during the time of our lives when my husband and I were grieving the loss of our only pregnancy from donor insemination. She was born when our baby would have been. Her birth was like a healing salve to our hurting hearts. Once we discovered that the Lord could fill our aching arms with such delight through adoption, we began to pray for the Lord to bring us another child.

We hoped and prayed for 6 years when Addison was born. She is now 11. In the time of waiting until the Lord brought our second child into our lives, He did an amazing work upon our heart towards opening our relationship up with Bailey's birthmother. We started out slow and before we knew it, she was a full active part of our family. Today, she is my best friend and we share many of our life experiences together. When Addison came into our lives, her birthparents were already friends that we had known for some time and loved dearly. Keeping the doors of our relationship open throughout her adoption was easy and our hearts today love them with even a greater love than ever before.

Levi is 3 and we just had his birthday party with many friends, our family and his birthmother and her family also. Reiko, his birthmother feels like a daughter to us and her presence in our family is wonderful. She has recently birthed another son named Heidern (pronounced Heiden), that we consider our grandson even though he is Levi's 1/2 brother.

We love all of our birth families very much and have contact with them on a regular basis. We have five birth families for our three children. Keeping everyone up to date with all that goes on in our family is much easier done with updates on our family blog.

For me, the road to motherhood for the past 21 years seemed only possible through domestic adoption. Now that the Lord has opened my eyes to embryo adoption, the longing to birth is again revived and stirred within me. The thought that there might be a way to hold a child of mine without traveling through the pain of another person, is something I look forward to. I love my children so dearly but I also know that their birth parents felt deep sorrow during my greatest time of joy (their birth). That realization is so hard on my heart because of the love I hold for them.

As a profession, I am a labor doula. I watch families birth without sorrow and it is so different than what I've witnessed with the births of my children. I pray that the Lord will allow me to experience this side of motherhood and to have joy without sorrow as our sweet new baby/babies come into our lives. We are praying that the gift of someone's embryos would be this for us.

We are so excited to meet and get to know the family of the embryos and make them a part of our family. We promise to love and cherish the children that come from them and the door to our hearts and home will always be open for you to get to know the children born. Honestly, there is nothing more precious to us than the lives of our children and the hope of the children to come.

We will continue to pray for this dream to come true and place our hope and trust upon the Lord to continue to build our family. We know that in His perfect timing He will bring us our precious little embryos, and bond us to (hopefully) you , a beautiful genetic family.

I have a life verse that has encouraged me throughout our journey.

1 Peter 5:10

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

Waiting for the joy set before us,

Richard and Tracy Waring.