Friday, April 16, 2010

My Heart Today

Today was 50’s day at school and Addison looked so cute all dressed up, I had to snap a few pictures.

With things being a bit depressing here at home this morning I wanted to get out and just enjoy the nice weather. Levi and I decided to meet Richard for lunch and spend a bit of time together. When I was driving home I couldn’t help but think of the struggles we are having and feel the frustration that embryo adoption waiting has been for us.
Then, wouldn't you know it, I passed the cemetery.  It struck my heart so hard that I had to pull over and think about it for a moment.   I even snapped a picture of it. 

Everyone dies... We all are only here for such a short time...  I want my life here on this earth to have substance.  I want it to mean more than just the simple life of living for myself.  I want the Lord to use me anyway that He sees fit.  So He's handed me the gift of infertility, disappointment, and years of sorrowful waiting as He builds our family.  I've struggled, whined, pleaded for Him to complete us but, it's His desire for us to continue to wait. 
                                   (My lilacs in full bloom today)
I know that His thoughts are higher than mine and I know that His love for me is greater than I could ever imagine, so I will continue to trust Him.  He has formed me in my mother's womb and He knows me even better than I know myself.  From the moment I took my first breath of life to the moment I lay this life down and take my last breath hear on this earth... I will continue to trust Him.
                 (Found this figurine in a gift shop and had to have it.)
My heart will hurt, my tears will fall and my spirit will fail, but in all things... I will continue to trust You, Jesus.                                             
                 God, You are so good to me.   

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