The Waring's Journey: When You Pray

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

When You Pray

When you pray...

These were the words that I woke to this morning. I pondered them for a moment only tho realize this was the Lord speaking to me and His meaning was a bit direct to the fact, that it's been a while since I've stopped and given Him time...prayed. So, while the house was still quiet with everyone sleeping, I got on my knees and sought the Lord. The moment I opened my heart to Him I realized there was a bucket full of anger awaiting me to be dealt with. Anger towards loved ones who've hurt me, anger towards past friends who've hurt or disappointed me, and then, it surprised me to see that among the list was the Lord Himself. I realized that I was holding frustration, disappointment and even anger towards the Lord in His plan of waiting for our embryos.

It seems that through the years that we've waited, I've gone through so many different phases of emotions. We started with excitement, then we seemed to have a sigh of frustrated desire, then excitement again and disappointment, sorrow, back to frustrations of longing, waiting, buckets of tears, acceptance of His timing, and now...I find hidden anger. It stumped me for a moment that I could be holding anger and yet stay active in my church, sing and play worship, pray, receive from the Word and yet be holding something so hard as anger, for frustrated desires, against the very One I'm worshiping.

but geeze, isn't that what we do so often with those we get offended or hurt by...we act like it's fine and there's nothing wrong. Yet, inside we still have that coldness towards them that lingers. I just really didn't think it would be possible to do that with my Lord and Savior.

So, this morning there was a washing of repentance and I asked the Lord to help me to forgive and love those who've hurt me and to forgive me for holding my heart in anger towards Him.

AAAuuuhhhh sigh... What a heavy load lifted.

I truly want to shine in Jesus and do it from a genuine heart. How else will we reach this hurting world?

Thank you Jesus for waking me this morning and working...Once Again...on my stubborn heart.

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Our Hope To Adopt Embryos

Hi, my name is Tracy and here is our story,

My husband, Richard, and I have been happily married for 21 years. Early on in our marriage, we were diagnosed with complete male factor infertility. We have been blessed with three beautiful children through separate open adoptions. Bailey, now 17, was born during the time of our lives when my husband and I were grieving the loss of our only pregnancy from donor insemination. She was born when our baby would have been. Her birth was like a healing salve to our hurting hearts. Once we discovered that the Lord could fill our aching arms with such delight through adoption, we began to pray for the Lord to bring us another child.

We hoped and prayed for 6 years when Addison was born. She is now 11. In the time of waiting until the Lord brought our second child into our lives, He did an amazing work upon our heart towards opening our relationship up with Bailey's birthmother. We started out slow and before we knew it, she was a full active part of our family. Today, she is my best friend and we share many of our life experiences together. When Addison came into our lives, her birthparents were already friends that we had known for some time and loved dearly. Keeping the doors of our relationship open throughout her adoption was easy and our hearts today love them with even a greater love than ever before.

Levi is 3 and we just had his birthday party with many friends, our family and his birthmother and her family also. Reiko, his birthmother feels like a daughter to us and her presence in our family is wonderful. She has recently birthed another son named Heidern (pronounced Heiden), that we consider our grandson even though he is Levi's 1/2 brother.

We love all of our birth families very much and have contact with them on a regular basis. We have five birth families for our three children. Keeping everyone up to date with all that goes on in our family is much easier done with updates on our family blog.

For me, the road to motherhood for the past 21 years seemed only possible through domestic adoption. Now that the Lord has opened my eyes to embryo adoption, the longing to birth is again revived and stirred within me. The thought that there might be a way to hold a child of mine without traveling through the pain of another person, is something I look forward to. I love my children so dearly but I also know that their birth parents felt deep sorrow during my greatest time of joy (their birth). That realization is so hard on my heart because of the love I hold for them.

As a profession, I am a labor doula. I watch families birth without sorrow and it is so different than what I've witnessed with the births of my children. I pray that the Lord will allow me to experience this side of motherhood and to have joy without sorrow as our sweet new baby/babies come into our lives. We are praying that the gift of someone's embryos would be this for us.

We are so excited to meet and get to know the family of the embryos and make them a part of our family. We promise to love and cherish the children that come from them and the door to our hearts and home will always be open for you to get to know the children born. Honestly, there is nothing more precious to us than the lives of our children and the hope of the children to come.

We will continue to pray for this dream to come true and place our hope and trust upon the Lord to continue to build our family. We know that in His perfect timing He will bring us our precious little embryos, and bond us to (hopefully) you , a beautiful genetic family.

I have a life verse that has encouraged me throughout our journey.

1 Peter 5:10

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

Waiting for the joy set before us,

Richard and Tracy Waring.